Children And Pets

Throughout my pregnancy, I had so many people tell me that I had to get rid of my pets because I was about to have a baby.

And yes – it is true- I don’t have as much time to devote to my pets as I used to, but that does not mean that they are not taken care of or being deprived attention.

I would like to dive in a little deeper as to why society thinks that you have to give up your fur babies because you are about to become a family of three.

  1. Ignorance. I don’t have any statics, but I’d wager that the average person isn’t taking their dog in for training or exercising them properly. So it is ignorance in that people believe that the dog will act out or attack the baby. I get it! These are valid concerns, but if a dog is trained, these situations can be prevented.
  2. They don’t view pets as members of the family. The trust is that not everyone views your four-legged or two-legged in the same regard as you do. For some, pets are accessories or assets that can be changed out at whim or given away when they become less appealing and more financially exhausting.
  3. It happened to them. Maybe they grew up in an environment where their parents didn’t work with the family pet and they were destructive or were always escaping. Somewhere down the line, there was some type of trauma, and animals to them are just another headache – which they can be, but so can our children.

The way I look at is that my pets are helping to shape my son into the great man that he will become. Animals are work, so our children can learn responsibility from having to take care of them. Boundaries are another huge skill that our children and some of us can learn from animals. Most pets do not attack just cause, there is usually some type of warning beforehand – everyone has something that makes them tick. From an early age, I am teaching my son to not pull or throw toys at just not us ( his parents) but also his pets. Commitment, dedication, and discipline are all traits that we look for in ourselves and in others.

What if I told you that your pet can help instill those traits.

It’s easy to just give your older dog to a shelter – out of sight out of mind- but it takes commitment and dedication to that dog to stick with them until the very end. This helps to show your child that you do not give up just because life is getting hard – there are obvious situations where you do need to throw in the towel, but that typically comes after you have exhausted all other options.

So my plea to you, is that you reconsider re-homing your pet because of the new addition in your life or future addition. Exhaust all of your options – training your dog will help you to have more patience, and hopefully your child will grow up and have so many examples of what responsibility, commitment, and dedication looks like.

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What A Start To The New Decade

We’ve officially made it halfway through the year, and I don’t know about you guys but it has been a looong year.

Between Covid and the Black lives matter movement – I am drained. Social media has helped to expose how people truly feel. It is admittedly easier to brush things off when it doesn’t affect you directly, but when you see the racism coming out from someone in your circle…

It’s been a rough beginning of the year.

I’m praying daily for not just healing in my household, but for the world entirely. I think that we are making strides in fighting racism, and I do think that one positive aspect of the internet is how quickly we can all come together.

As far as Covid goes, I ask that you all please be careful and keep the same energy you had when we first heard about this pandemic. The longer this drags out, the more people seem to not be taking it seriously. There also seems to be a misconception that some of our states are opening up because numbers are declining, this isn’t true.

So please, please be careful.

How has 2020 been treating you so far?

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Racism Is Killing Us

With everything going on in the world, I realize that I can no longer be silent about the racism that is and has been attacking my community for centuries.

Have we as a whole made some great leaps?

Yes.

But recent events just highlights how far away we are from truly uniting as one – God’s children.

All it takes is one bad apple, one worm, to spoil the whole lot. Racism is a poison that coils around and infects everyone and everything around it. It does not have an incubation period, it doesn’t take breaks, it is always there ready to show its colors and infect those around it.

Today, I am praying for my community – as a whole black people are so divided. I’m praying for our allies – our friends. I’m praying for the state of this world. There is so much hate being exposed, and it grieves me when I think of the mothers, the fathers, siblings, grandparents that have lost someone. I’m grieving for those that have lost so much in the midst of all of this.

Today, I ask that you choose peace. I ask that you join me in praying for those that have hatred in their hearts. Let us pray to our Lord to open their hearts into receiving a new way of life.

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April Appreciation

Hey guys!

So, April is actually a pretty big month for my family. We celebrate my cousin’s birthday, Silas’s birthday, my birthday, and we even celebrated the dog’s birthday. Due to everything that has been going on, we weren’t able to have any celebration with family or friends. I have seen some reports where people are throwing huge parties- I ask that you don’t do this.

Despite not being able to physically celebrate with family, I’ve still been on this cloud of happiness because of how blessed I am. I know not everyone has been so lucky during this time- our church lost a wonderful lady due to the virus- so I’ve just spent this month being grateful that I was able to celebrate my son’s first birthday.

My heart goes out for everyone that has been impacted by these events. And this may be an unpopular opinion, but I’m gonna say it anyway, I don’t want things to return back to how they used to be. I think some of the extra steps that stores such as Aldi’s are doing to protect their employees and customers, should stay. I hope that society has a new appreciation for teachers and medical staffs.

I also hope that we don’t lose sight of what truly matters.

Learning To Walk

As I watch Silas take one step followed by another before falling down, I am filled with joy. Each milestone bring its own set of challenges and as parents we celebrate each one as it means that our child is healthy. Another emotion hit me as I watched him pick himself back up to try once more- understanding.

Do you realize how hard it is to get knocked down, pick yourself back up, and try again? It’s almost excruciating to dust yourself off after what feels like failure after failure. I’ll admit I don’t have any secret method or sauce to push past this, all I have is faith.

Faith that no matter what, if God placed it on my heart, then it will get done. Faith that whatever it is that I am going through, I will be able to push past by leaning on God. Faith that there is something waiting for me on the other side- something extraordinarily.

Babies have this natural faith that each step is propelling them forward. It doesn’t matter how many times they fall down, they get right back up with the same gusto as before. Somewhere in the midst of growing up and becoming more aware of the world around us, we lost that unwavering faith.

I know right now may seem like this weird juxtaposition but if there was ever a time to turn towards God and turn that faith meter all the way up, the time is now. Just put one foot in front of the other, it’s okay if you stumble, it’s okay if you fall down, just keep going, and trust in our Father.

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Forgive me: I've Been Slacking

Last year I started to write a book dedicated to how losing Troy actually led towards me having a relationship with God. It was admittedly hard to write as I decided to start from the beginning, and working through some of the trauma(for me) during my earlier years.

I don’t know if I’ve ever came right out and said it here, but I struggled with depression for sooo many years. It runs in the family and it had a hold on me for a long time. So as I was writing, I was finding it more and more difficult to continue because of all the emotions that it was invoking in me.

I came to a realization this week, that I fell for a trick of the enemy. I stopped writing a book that God told me to write because I allowed my flesh, my emotions to rule over me. Looking back I realize that if I need to cry while I’m writing my message then so be it. My readers will be able to feel the passion in my words and maybe just maybe it will save someone.

I’m giving myself a deadline and an action plan to complete one aspect of my mission here on earth. If there is something that God has placed on your heart, I urge you to make a move today. There will never be a perfect time, there will always be something that comes up.

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Build Her Up

Hey Guys!!

So, about a week or so ago I was featured on Build Her Up. org. You can read my guest post here. This more than overdue, but I just wanted to take some time out to give Ms. Nafeesah a shout out.

As you all know, I lost my firstborn in 2018, and since then God has placed a calling on my life to help other loss parents find their way back to Him. To be honest with you, I had no idea what that looked liked, nor did I really have the self-confidence to go out and truly market myself. Nafeesah and I met through Werk U, an online trade school for women of color. She didn’t have to, but she took time out of her busy schedule-running a business, grad school, and working, to talk me through my insecurities.

So, please go and check out her blog and show her some love. Also if you are wanting more information on what exactly Werk U is, you can click the link here.

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Coronoavirus: The Prayer

Hopefully this will be the last time that I discuss the Coronavirus on my blog. Not to say that I don’t think it is important to be in the known and take the necessary precautions, but that I am deliberately choosing to spread hope and not fear. So, today, I ask that you all join me in prayer, and remember that all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed.

Father God,

We come to You today asking for Your favor, God. Lord, we thank You for all that You have done for us, and all that You continue to do for us. How blessed are we to have You as our protector and provider. We see that people are being let go left and right, we see that the elderly are being attacked by this plague, we see it all Lord, but we have faith in You. We have faith in Your vision, and we aren’t afraid Lord, for You told us to cast all of our worries unto You. You told us to not worry about tomorrow, and that the spirit of fear is not of You, but a tactic of the enemy. We stand in agreement with You that everything will work itself out, Lord, because we have You going before each and everyone of us. We root ourselves in Psalms 91 Lord during this time, let no plague come near our homes. We pray for those that are out on the front lines, risking their health to care for others. We pray for the elderly and those that have compromised immune systems. We ask that You be with them Lord. Father God, we thank You in advance for what You are about to do for this nation.

In Jesus name

Amen.

Let me know if you guys would like for me to post more prayers. I’ve revamped my devotional for bereaved families and I’ve decided to make it free for everyone. You can click here for your free download.

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I Dreamed of a Lion

On the surface my dream didn’t make much sense, like all dreams seem to do. My husband and I were staying in some house with people that I can’t put a name to. For whatever reason, there was a lion in this house.

The lion was being ‘contained’ by a small fence or barrier. Similar to a baby gate honestly. And no one seemed to pay it any mind, everyone walked past, conversed, and just outright ignored it. Which is crazy right? Lions are loud, huge, and dangerous, and yet no one paid attention to this lion that was being held back by a barrier that it could simply step over, except for my husband and I.

At some point, the lion jumped over the barrier and chaos broke out. My husband and I ended up in a nursery room. I don’t know how that happened or how we got separated from everyone else, but we got led to safety while everyone else was not so lucky. To be specific, my husband and I ended up in a nursery. Somehow I knew that it was Silas’s room. Authorities showed up and the lion was put down. My husband and I were the only survivors. Silas did not appear in the dream, but his safety was never a concern during all of this.

The dream jumped around again, and I was in a hospital. My husband wasn’t with me, instead I had a horse as a companion. The entire staff was terrified, I couldn’t understand why because horses( in my opinion) aren’t scary. The horse and I shared a look, and then I woke up very confused about what I just dreamed about.

So, a couple of things that I want to address here. The significance of a lion in the bible.

  1. Isaiah 31:4 “This is what the LORD says to me: “As a lion growls, a great lion over its prey– and though a whole band of shepherds is called together against it, it is not frightened by their shouts or disturbed by their clamor– so the LORD Almighty will come down to do battle on Mount Zion and on its heights”.
  2. 1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour”

In my dream, the lion was the enemy. He was behind this ‘barrier’ plotting when he would strike and who he would strike. In this dream, no one noticed him, but me. It was almost as if the barrier caused him to be invisible, and the more I think about it, that’s what the enemy is counting on.

The barrier here is a symbol of our distractions and the result of us underestimating the enemy.

In the bible, nearly every time a horse is mentioned, its in regards to war. So with that in mind, I seemed to be prepared to go to war after the enemy was put down. I don’t think the hospital staff was terrified of me or the horse per say, but terrified of what we ( the horse and I) were about to go to battle against.

This dream was God reaching out to me, telling me of the enemy’s plan to create hysteria, and to prepare for war. I think it is important to note that no where during my dream or my reflections, was fear apart of me, and it should not be apart of you either. I know things are hectic right now, but I urge you all to put on your armor of God, boss up in your prayer life, and don’t take on a spirit of fear, for fear is not of God.

2 Samuel

Last week I just felt so restless. I couldn’t figure out why, so I went to God about it, and He directed me to read 2 Samuel 12. So cliff notes version, David saw a married woman bathing and inquired about her. She ended up becoming pregnant with his child. David tried to get her spouse to go home and lay with her. Why? To cover up his sin. The man wouldn’t go, so David had him placed in the front line so that he would be killed.


God didn’t like this, so instead of punishing David by striking him down right then and there, He attacked his bloodline. David’s son that was conceived in sin, was taken by the Lord. His other children raped and killed among one another. David had to live with this shame, the loss of a child, and the friction in his family.


Honestly, this bothered me so much that I just sat there, and kept asking why. Why God did You punish this child for his father’s mistakes. And then I realized that we aren’t supposed to be comfortable with sin.


So backtracking just a bit, I think it is important to note that I have been repenting for any inequities in my bloodline. My family actually has a history of child loss. My great grandmother had a stillbirth and lost her twin sister at a very early age.


I want you to take a moment and reflect on the questions they ask you when you go to the doctor. They ask about any problems or concerns that have affected someone in your family, right?


Neither trauma, sin, or death was apart of God’s plan for us. Our actions affect generations to come. Look at how Adam and Eve’s decision has affected us all.


This week, I want you to go before The Lord and repent for any inequities plaguing your bloodline. Don’t let anything be used against you by the devil. Take away the case that he has prepared against your bloodline.


You see, I felt so off last week because God needed me to repent for my ancestors to free up generations to come. I truly believe that God had me type of this message because He needs you to be obedient and free up your bloodline.

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What is Your Why

What makes you get up each and every morning? Are you intentional during your waking hours or are you just on autopilot?

For years, I was on autopilot, only thinking about the hours that I needed to clock in to pay the bills. My why was to make more money to cover the bills and because I put money on a pedestal. It was so bad, that I actually made a spreadsheet to calculate how much money I would be bringing home after working x amount of hours and after x amount of taxes were taken out.

It wasn’t until I lost my firstborn that I realized I needed to reevaluate what my why was. My mindset had to shift and I had to put God first. When you start seeking God, everything else will fall into place. When you start trusting God and going to Him with your cares, you stop running on autopilot. Your days will be intentional.

My why today is to serve God and do His works. So each day, I am intentional about bringing others-specifically parents that have lost a child, closer to God. And the best part of this, is that when you stop running on autopilot and you truly find your why, you will have so much peace.

Black History Month: Medical Trauma

Black history month is a month where we celebrate and acknowledge history’s most prominent figures in the black community. We talk about the hardships, and how those figures helped to shape the world as we know it today. We talk about how we, as in the black community, were enslaved, and shed some light on the racism that occurred back then, and the racism that is still occurring today.

We even talk about the mental health of our community. Many African Americans do not seek help for their mental or even their physical allignments. Many of us were raised to push through the pain. In fact that ‘toughness’ has only served to make matters worse for us. The medical community seems to be less likely to take our concerns seriously, which makes African Americans less likely to speak up.

According to the Center for American Progress(2018), “stress induced by this discrimination plays a significant role in maternal and infant mortality, and a fractured and unequal health care system and gaps in health workforce training further aggravate these racial disparities”. When I was pregnant with Troy, I would voice my complaints about the lack of extra care from my workforce. I wasn’t able to get breaks, and wouldn’t even get a chance to have water before leaving for the day. I was told that I was okay, and brushed off. I found even after the loss of my son, that I had to take ‘drastic measures’ during my pregnancy with Silas.

I had to get a doctor’s note requiring that I be given breaks every four hours. I had to learn that ‘no’ was in fact a complete sentence. I also realized that I had to be very direct at the doctor’s office. I had concerns that occurred, that didn’t affect Silas, but concerns that still needed to be addressed, and I was getting brushed off. It took me being days away from my induction to be more direct.

Some of this boils down to personality, but I believe a lot of it stems from childhood. I never felt like I was taken seriously when I went to the doctor. And even today, I still catch myself just pushing through the pain. I know so many other African Americans are doing the same thing. So many of us have been burned by the medical community or raised to just keep pushing, and we are suffering from it.

Why Its Best To Spend Time With God First Thing

Being a working mom, I have to manage my time effectively. I know that I will be at my job for about ten hours/ four days a week( not counting weekend work). I know that my son likes to go to bed around eight or nine p.m, maybe even earlier if he had a big day. I also know that there is cleaning and working on blog posts, podcast episodes, and so forth that needs to get done.

I know that I am not alone in all of this. Call me crazy, but I have found that I need to wake up at 4 a.m for my own sanity. The times where I have put off talking to God until it was time for bed, were misery. I was grumpy, little things got to me, and I just felt on edge. The worst part is that by waiting until evening, I wasn’t giving God all of me.

For my own sanity, and to keep my relationship with God strong, I have to spend time with him in the morning. I need to talk to Him before I walk out of my home, and interact with the outside world. If I wait until evening then I’m liable to be so tired from work and too busy with trying to keep Silas entertained.

I want you to take this time out and reflect on how your day is going. Did you talk to God today? If the answer is no, then I want you to try talking to Him first thing tomorrow. It can be a two minute prayer or an hour prayer. What matters is that you seek Him first thing, and then reflect on how your day went. You shouldn’t be so quick to anger, and the little things will just roll off your shoulders.

How Having a Child Affects Your Relationships

I always believed that having a child would bring family closer together. Now, I’m not talking about significant others. I’ve heard stories of how the stress causes people to drift from one another. My husband and I struggled in the early months with Silas.

But what I want to focus on, is not significant others, but other familiar relationships. For me, I thought that my mom would be over all the time, wanting to see her grandson. I thought that because we lost our first son, that others would want to hold on as tightly as we do with Silas. Instead, we’ve( my husband and I) have gotten crickets. This isn’t to say that my side of the family hasn’t seen him, but there has been no true effort on their part.

In the beginning my mother would offer to come watch Silas for my husband, as he is the stay home parent. Well, she wouldn’t show up. She has done this several times, so much so that we don’t even think to ask her when we need someone to watch Silas. I’m taking this up with God because I realize that there are other factors at play here. I felt lead to share this with you all because someone else may be going through something similar.

We have these expectations that other members of the family will love your child as much or nearly as much as you do. Sadly, that isn’t the case. You don’t truly know what someone is going through. For my family, kidney disease runs rampant, and I know that has been the cause for some of the no call no show, so to speak.

I believe these changes are just the natural order of things. I don’t talk to my mom everyday like I used to. My focus is on my husband and son. Being the working parent, I want Silas around when I’m not at work. This has been another source of conflict on my side of the family. They only try to get Silas on the one day that I’m guaranteed off. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I do want to reiterate that I know my family loves Silas. I know my husband’s side loves him as well. This is simply something that I have to pray on because there’s something much deeper going on. That may be the case for you. There may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

So, today I urge you to seek God. Cast all of your worries onto Him. It may seem like your family is more distant because of the new additions or things became more strained. I say, babies have a way of shedding a light on our brokenness. Some of us choose to address our faults, while others try to ignore them. I urge you to seek God, and get to the root of it all.

Please don’t forget to check out Parenting After Loss on iTunes and Spotify. I would also like to connect with you guys on Instagram ( potter_india).

The Enemy Is Not Against Using Family To Stop You

I have noticed a recurring tactic that the enemy has been employing. He has been attempting to stop me from tithing or sowing a seed by using self-doubt from my family. Late August, a couple days before my car accident, I was reflecting on how I have two infant car seats, but we only use one. It was a random thought that was not prompted by anything. The next morning, I got on Facebook and saw a post from an old coworker. They were asking if anyone had a free car seat, and that the person they were inquiring for was scheduled to be induced in a couple of days. Instantly, I knew that God wanted me to sow this seed, so I got in contact with the lady, and offered to bring the car seat up to the hospital.

On my way to take the car seat to her, my mom called to ask how work was. I explained to my mom how God led me to this lady in need, and instead of being happy that I was blessing another, my mother got very angry with me. My mother ranted about how she wouldn’t have a car seat now to pick up Silas and that she needed it, not this lady who was obviously in a financial situation. As I’m listening to her yell at me, I couldn’t help but think that it was the enemy trying to stop me from blessing someone. Instead of yelling back or hanging up, I calmly explained to my mother that she could use the car seat I was keeping. I also explained that Silas would be needing a convertible car seat sometime soon, so she would still have to use the car seat I had. And, I explained that if God is leading me sow a seed then I am going to do it.

Today, the devil tried once more to use family to stop me from doing God’s work. While on break, I decided to call my mother to check up on her and learned that she was on her way to church. During the conversation, she made jabs about her old church home, which prompted me to state how I didn’t mind churches having atm machines. I can’t help it, I like convenience, and having a one stop appeals to me. Because I’m in the process of finding a church home, I listen to podcasts and float around. She asked me then how do I pay my tithes. I responded that, I pay into the podcasts that I listen to, (Joyce Meyer, T.D Jakes, and Elevation church). And, whatever that is left over from the overall 10% , I give to church that I am listening to. She then informed that my way of tithing was wrong, and that I should only give to my church home.

If you are getting a message from a platform, you should support it in some kind of way. That is just my thinking. But, what her response told me is that she isn’t tithing. She isn’t tithing because she believes that you should only give it to your church home. The church home that she refuses to go back to. She told me not to go broke paying tithes and that God doesn’t want you to go broke doing such. You see, the enemy tried a different approach this time. The devil tried having my mom speak softly and tried having her appeal to the ‘logical’ side. Here’s the thing, when God said give me 10%, He did not stutter.

Because of some emergencies that have occurred this past month, I haven’t been as financially plentiful; however I still paid my tithes. I didn’t look at my back account and tell God that I didn’t have it. No, I paid what was owed to Him, and if you read my previous post, then you know that God blessed me. He gave me back more than what I gave Him.

This week, pay attention to how the enemy will use your family or friends to deter you.

Testimony Thursday

August 28th, I was in first car accident. It was around 9 pm when I was travelling home from working the late shift. I had my phone on speaker, so that I could listen in on a master class. I have a 40 minute commute to and from work. I had everything set up before I even drove off of campus, because a distracted driver is a dangerous driver.

The master class had just begun as I was merging into the far right lane. I stayed back a bit in case the semi that was in the southbound lane needed to go northbound instead. After a minute, it seemed as though the semi was truly going southbound, so I felt comfortable speeding up. I was almost up the ramp, when the semi changed its mind, and merged into my lane.

I was terrified, but so thankful to God that my son was not in the car, and that I was not hurt. My car was deemed a total loss by insurance, and while I had gap insurance, my car had previous damage to it, so gap informed me that they would not be covering the difference.

I was distraught.

Not only was I shaken up by the ordeal, but I now had to get a new vehicle with no money to put down. I also still owed money on my old car. I could dwell and dwell on this, so instead I made the conscious decision to take my problems to the Lord. My circumstances were telling me that I was in a worst position than before. The enemy was trying to stop me from getting the message from the master class. The enemy took my car, but my cousin had a spare that I was able to use. I stayed prayed up, and God blessed me with a better and safer car for my family. God allowed me to get a much better deal on the car loan than my previous one. God pushed me to sign up for the program that resulted from the master class, and I’m already seeing results. I put in some more hours at work to cover what was left to pay on my old loan, and to my surprise, God blessed me again.

I received a letter from the car loan company telling me that my account was closed and paid in full. Hallelujah! I thanked God because I knew it was by His will. This was all a couple of weeks ago, so I had thought that the previous car loan was done. This morning when I checked my mail, I had a note from the loan company. One letter was telling me that my account was paid in full, And that they owed me money! The second letter was a check from them. I began to weep as I was reading the letter because it was so unexpected, and I am just so grateful for our Provider.

Today, I urge all of you to stop and give thanks to Him. He takes care of all of our needs, and makes sure that we are not without.

I just wanted to share with you all, that staying steadfast in your faith, is the greatest peace of all.

Prayer For The Bereaved Parent

My sibling in Christ, I wish I could bring you in closer, and tell you that everything will be okay. I know right now that you are not ready to hear that. How can everything be okay if you just lost your baby? How is everything going to be okay when moving on seems like a betrayal? I know to an extent of how you are feeling, for I too have lost. My firstborn, Troy, was born still at 26 weeks. We had just put together his crib when we learned that he went back home. So, I do know of the pain, but every grief is unique, so I will not say that I know exactly how you feel.

It won’t happen tomorrow or even next month, but eventually the grief will begin to lift little by little. You won’t feel like every moment is suffocating. You won’t feel like giving up. Most importantly you won’t blame yourself.

Today, I ask You, Lord, to take some of the pain away. I ask You to help lift their burdens. I pray that they will turn towards You, Lord, and that they will find comfort in Your embrace. I pray that they will find ways to honor their precious babies, and that they will not dwell in their grief. I truly believe that all of our children would want us to be happy and celebrate them. So, Lord, I ask that You will be with them today as they navigate the day.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Sometimes Having A Plan Can Be Detrimental

Last weekend I had Saturday and Sunday off, so I wanted to do more family activities with my husband and our little boy. I had it all planned out, we were going to get up early and take the dogs to walk at our local park. Maybe even get ice cream afterwards.

I spent so much time being focused on this plan for Saturday that I allowed myself to become angry when my plan was not going how I envisioned.

So, the day before, I left the trash bag out and our oldest husky got into it while we were away grocery shopping. I was pretty upset with myself because I forgot to throw the trash out before we left. Fast forward to Saturday, our Baldwin is now doing his business in the house and vomiting. The first time it happened, I just cleaned up the mess and thought nothing of it. He is old, so maybe he’s having issues. But then it kept happening all day, so much so that I didn’t even feel comfortable leaving to go to the park.

When Baldwin first had his accident, I figured, oh maybe it’s because he’s older and I didn’t move fast enough to take him out. I was still pretty determined that we were all going to go to the park. I tried getting my husband up, and he would just look at me, and then fall right back asleep. Because I was so focused on my plan for the day, this annoyed me greatly. When he finally got up it was closer to noon, and Baldwin had had more accidents since then.

My usually happy baby was extremely sassy, though I suspect that he was picking up on mommy’s bad mood. My husband didn’t get up until noon, the dog was having accidents, and I was getting more and more frustrated with how the day was going.

I ended up hanging out in my bedroom for a bit, because I realized that I needed to check myself. No, things were not going the way that I planned, but that shouldn’t have made me lash out at my husband. He was clearly tired and needed that extra rest.

One thing that God has put heavy on my heart this year is to let go. I do not always need to be in control, and Saturday showed me that I have much more work to do on myself.

Baldwin is doing just fine, now that his stomach has settled. We never did go on that walk, but I still got to be with my family, and really that’s all I should hope for.

Beginning Of The Work Week Means Prayer Time

Lord today I just want to pray for everyone that is starting their workweek. Mondays are usually meant with dread and annoyance, but today Lord, today, Mondays are to be celebrated. I declare that today, those who have been seeking, will have clarity. There will be promotions and callbacks on this day. I cover us all in Your holy spirit and let no attacks formed against us prosper. For the enemy will surely try to sabotage this week, so I declare that the enemy will not win. Today, I pray that all will seek You first thing in the morning. That they will turn to You, Lord, before leaving their homes. This will be a confirmation day for many of you, and some of you will be getting some clarity as to what your purpose is. I declare that those who are sick will be healed. I declare that this will be a day of new beginnings. Q4 does not mean that we can not start a new, Q4 does not mean we need to wind down. No, today is a day of rebirth. Today, there will be supernatural healing, there will be supernatural pay, there will be supernatural relationships. This is just the start. Lord, we thank You for all that You do and continue to do for us. We thank You for the grace You show us, and we are forever grateful for You. Lord, we never want to walk out of alignment with You, and we surrender to You.


In Jesus’ name, Amen.


If you are struggling with something, then I urge you to seek Him and ask for his strength. I am also a resource and will be more than happy to do a private prayer for you.

Maybe The Problem is You

My favorite thing to do is to read. I’m on my bible app first thing in the morning, I scroll through Facebook and read the posts and the comments. Sometimes, I scroll on websites and read the comments there. I’m constantly consuming something, and I’d say 90% of the time, the comments are negative. There was an article that discussed how actress Lisa Raye was planning to marry some pastor. One of the comments stated, that they felt that it was wrong for a pastor to drive a car that was better than the members of the church. I have seen other comments or had people even say to me, “if God is so great, why am I in this situation”.


Here’s the thing, it is naive for anyone to believe that they will go through life without some type of sacrifice or tribulation. There is always something going on in the background, there is always some type of burden, there is always some type of inconvenience. How you react to those situations determines the outcome. God gave us free will. If you are having financial hardships, maybe ask yourself what did you do to get in this situation. Yes, pray to God to help you manage what you already have, and ask Him for financial freedom; but do not blame Him for the choices that you made. God did not tell you to go out and buy a brand new car with a $500 car note. This belief that if you do not have something, then no one should is absurd. In Jeremiah 29:11 God tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.


Going into quarter 4, there needs to be a mindset shift now. Do not wait until January to declare that this is a new year, new you. No, you need to make a change today. Stop worrying about what others have, you have no idea of their circumstances. I’ll be transparent, I had a friend who I had to stop hanging out with because they made me feel so uncomfortable. Every hangout, they would make comments about how much money they assumed I had based on my decent car, apartment, or because I feed my dogs ‘expensive’ food. I finally got so tired of the ‘digs’ that I told them, I have student loan debt, I have no work-life balance because I can not seem to get ahead. I am the sole provider for my family, and I also have to take care of my mom. I have to drive 60 miles a day for work, so I try to take care of my vehicle because I need it to last. I do not have it all together.


Instead of worrying about what others have or blaming God for what I think I lack, I intentionally choose to keep my head down. I intentionally ask Him to help me manage what I already have because I can not expect to be blessed with more if I don’t know how to manage what I already have. If you are serious about making a change, then do so today, do not wait until the new year. No, be intentional today and check yourself.

Fridays = Family Day

For some, Friday represents the last day of work before the weekend begins. They visualize all of the activities that they will accomplish on Saturday, and the amount of sleep they will get on Sunday. For me, Friday is not significant because of work. Friday is important to me because it is the one day that I have to spend all day with my family. It is the one day that I am guaranteed to be with my son all day.

I work in the animal industry, and animals like people, need to eat every single day. So, I have weekends in which I am required to work because someone has to take care of them. So for me, Fridays are dedicated to spending time with my husband and my son. We have a routine where we go grocery shopping together, we may hit the half- priced bookstore, or we may just watch a movie together.

Today, I want you to reflect on how you spend time with your family. Do you just overload your weekend with errands or sleep in away? Not that there is anything wrong with wanting to decompress after a long week, but I challenge you to choose one day out of the month that is dedicated to spending time with family.

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Does Not Have To Be Sad

October is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. If you have been following this blog, then you know that in February of 2018, my son Troy was stillborn. My husband and I do not know why we lost him and unfortunately, that is the case for a lot of infant deaths. At the beginning of my grief, I blamed myself because I carried him, and my body failed him. It took a lot for me to not blame myself, work, or God.


Yes, God. I was very angry with Him because I did not understand why He would allow something like this to happen to my family. Why would He allow a child that was so loved to die without any cause? Once I admitted out loud to Him just how angry I was, I suddenly began to heal. I began reading my Bible more, trying to understand more about this God that I was taught to believe in. I realized that He was grieving with me and that He too knew the pain of losing a child.


I look at Silas sometimes and wonder if Troy would have been as happy and boisterous as him. I do not dwell on these thoughts for long, and instead, I tell myself how lucky Silas is to have an older brother that is always watching over him.


In honor of Troy, I will not be spending this month sad. I will instead make the conscious decision to uplift others in his name, serve others, and give thanks. You can choose to dwell in your remorse if that is your desire, but as for myself and my family, we are choosing to bless others and to show one another how much we love and appreciate each other.


If you do not want to honor your child’s memory with sadness, then join me in uplifting others. Send a loved one a simple text message about how grateful you are for them. Volunteer in your community or spend the afternoon going on a family hike. Whatever it is that you choose to do, do so in a way that you feel your child would love. And if it is okay with you, I would like to pray for you.


Dear Heavenly Father,
Please watch over your children Lord. This is a difficult month for many Lord, and I just ask that You help to relieve them of some of their pain. Lord, I ask that You watch over those rainbow babies and I ask that You bless those that are scared to try again. Lord, I declare that this month will be one of healing and not one of sadness. I declare that these precious mamas will know that it is okay to celebrate their angel baby. That while they may not have had the opportunity to raise them here on earth, they will be with them again. That no matter what some may say, that they are parents, and no one can take that away from them.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you would like to support me, I wrote a seven day devotional specifically for us loss mamas. I know for me reading loss books and joining Facebook groups, helped me in my journey of healing.

Five Prayers To Get You Through The Week

Marriage Prayer

Please give me the strength to grow stronger in my marriage, Lord. The devil is trying to gain a way in, but Lord, I declare that he will find no victory. I rebuke any ill will towards my marriage. Lord, I ask that You work on me, through me, and within me. I ask that You help me to change so that I am a better spouse. I pray that You open my spouse’s heart, so that we may live more peacefully. I declare that we will see many years together and we will do so happily.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Finance Prayer

Dear Lord,

I am praying to You for a miracle, Lord. The bills are piling up and the money that I worked so hard for, seems to be for naught. I turn towards You, so that I may have everlasting peace, and so that I may enjoy my time here on earth. Lord, I ask that You help me to manage what I already have. I ask that You bless me abundantly. Even though I have little to give, I will still pay my tithes to You. Lord, I realize that if You are to bless me, that I need to give my dues. So, Lord, as I give You my tenth- Your tenth, I ask that You see fit to bless me this month.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Family Prayer

Lord, please watch over my family every second and every moment of the day. I anoint myself and my family in Your holy spirit, in the blood of Jesus Christ, and in Your grace. I pray that my child will continue to grow stronger and healthier. I pray that my spouse will remain steadfast and healthy. Let no harm find us. Let us not react in anger, but to give each other grace. But more importantly, Lord, let us worship You with grace and dignity.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Grief

Lord, I ask that I can lean on You as I process the loss of my loved ones. Lord, the holidays will soon be approaching and with them, they seem to shine a light on those that are no longer on earth with us. Lord, I pray for your strength and guidance, so that I can uplift those that I have lost. I pray that I will be able to honor them and spread joy to others because I know that I will see my lost one again. So, today Lord, I draw in closer to Your embrace, and I ask that You help to share some of the pain that I am feeling. I ask that You take some of the pain away so that instead of mourning my loved one, I instead celebrate the life they lived while they were here.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

WellBeing

Heavenly Father,

There are three months left in this year. Some would say not enough to make a change, but I serve a living God. So, Lord, I pray to You today asking for Your help. I ask that You help me to make a change. Lord, I declare that I will eat healthier and lose weight so that I am physically strong. I need to be able to endure this task that You have called for me to do. Lord, I declare that any negative thoughts about myself will cease because I know that I was made perfect in your eyes. Lord, I declare that my patience will increase and my anger will not be so quick to ignite. Lord, I pray that You will open my heart to these changes and that I will know that it was through Your grace that I will be anew.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Monday’s Prayer

Lord,
Thank You for waking every one of us up this morning. Thank You for watching over us through the night while the enemy prowled around. Lord, this morning, I want to declare that no harm shall come on Your people.

I pray that when Your people awake this morning, that they will not groan or whine about it being Monday, but instead they will wake joyfully, for they have been provided another day to make a change. That they can start their week off right by glorifying You. Lord, I declare that those who are in need will see a breakthrough.

That, they will receive a call or an email today telling them that they have the position that they have been praying for. That when they go to check their accounts or pay their rent, that there will be an extra credit. Lord, I declare that those who seek You will have peace on this day.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Pray Before Bed

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that any attacks that the enemy has planned, will be canceled. Let no harm fall on me, my family, my friends, my followers, my community, nor those that I do not know. I declare that all who seek You, will sleep peacefully. I declare that the enemy will not be able to infiltrate their/our mind, I declare that the enemy will see no victory tonight. I pray that those who are hurting, seek You, and cast their worries onto You. I pray that when they wake in the morning, that they will be refreshed, that they will worry not for You have them. I pray that while they are sleeping, that You are making moves behind the scenes. I declare that those searching for work, will have a breakthrough, I declare that those that are ill, will be healed, I declare that those who are financially crippled, will have an abundance. I pray that they will trust in You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Morning Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray today for my followers, for my family, for my friends, and for those that I do not know, Lord. I pray that today is a day of healing, a day of rebirth, and a day of joy, Lord. I pray that those who have been told that they have terminal illness, that they are healed. I pray that Your children continue to seek You, that they know You are the living God. I pray for their souls Lord. There is a lot of noise going on in the world, and I pray that they ask for the gift of discernment,Lord. Lord, I declare that no weapon formed against us will prosper, I declare that any attacks that the enemy has planned, that they will fail. I am covering my community in Your armor, Lord.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Today I felt moved to pray for everyone as I was going through my morning prayers. If this is something that you would like to see more of, just let me know.

Loss and Rainbows

Before losing my son, I always thought of rainbows as a beautiful event after a storm. I thought they were pretty to look at, and as a child, I thought that there was treasure found at the end.

In the loss community, rainbows take on a more significant meaning than just colors on a spectrum. A child born after loss is considered a rainbow. After going through the storm of miscarriage, stillbirth, or death, a rainbow appears to signal a change.

In the Bible, Genesis 9:14 states, “ When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds. I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh.”

When I decided to fully turn myself to Christ and worship him despite my loss, the Lord saw fit to bless me. He blessed me with a child that we consider a rainbow. He made a convenant with me the day that I truly sought him out.

Some of you are still going through a storm, but I urge you to seek Him. As long as you keep His commandments and praise Him, He will bless you. I can not tell you when or how, but know this, there is a rainbow after every storm.

Shaving Siberian Huskies

Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to have a Siberian Husky, so I made sure that I researched extensively. I knew that they were escape artists and that they were so smart. I knew that they were beautiful dogs that came in a variety of colors, and that they shed a lot.

I naively believed that because I did research before owning my first dog, that others did the same thing. Boy was that a reality check. I had someone once tell me that, the reason why huskies could stand the cold, was not because of their double coated fur, but because they had anti-freeze in their veins.

I asked that individual for evidence to back up their claim. They never did give me the source. But I thought surly if one wanted to have a husky or any other double coated breed, that they were okay with the amount of shedding. Boy was I wrong again.

There is a misconception that by shaving your double coated breed, that there will be less hair in the home, and that they will not be hot in the summer. I hate to say this, but, there will always be dog hair. Sure your Rottweilers will not leave as much hair as your husky, but all dogs shed, just like us. The second layer of their coat protects them from the elements, so by shaving their fur, you are encouraging them to be harmed by the sun’s rays.

So, I beg you, please do your research before getting any pet. Animals are a commitment and to some people, they are family.

Pray First

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of giving thanks. I encouraged everyone to pray before leaving their home. Now, you do not have to spend hours praying as some people may have convinced you. All you need is just 5 minutes , it could be 2 minutes, but the important part is that you take time out of your day to connect with God.

Wednesday’s are considered my late nights, I work about 13 hours, so I do not see my son on Wednesday’s. By the time I get home, he is already fast asleep, and honestly it kills me that I’m missing out on quality time with him.

But per my habit, I prayed to the Lord first thing, and you know what? He made it so that I could be home. My coworker took my later activities, so that I could be home.

This may not seem like a lot, but I did not ask my coworker to do this for me. Because I put my faith in God and trust Him, He looks out for me.

So, try to make it a habit to spend time with Him. And I want you to write down small wins of the day to remind yourself that He is with you too.

Thanksgiving

You version Bible

When you woke up today, were you grateful?

Or, were you just already in a grumpy mood?

See, every morning, no matter how I feel when I awake, I pray.

I pray before I leave the house. Why? Because I must put on the armor of God, of the Holy Spirit, before I walk out into the world.

We can not stop how someone else is feeling or how they may react, but we can get up each morning and pray that the Lord is with us. We can get up each morning and give him thanks for all of the little things that he does for us.

Back in August, I was involved in my first accident. A semi merged into my lane, they did not look to see that I had been in that lane for quite some time, nor did they actually have the ‘right’ to merge. My car was deemed a total loss, but Me? I walked away from it with no injuries. Some would say that I was lucky, I say that I am blessed and anointed.

So, before you leave out today, give thanks and praise to our Lord. Thank Him for allowing you to get up, thank Him for the roof over your head, and thank Him for how all of your needs are met.

Free Devotional

This will be a really quick post. I just wanted to remind everyone that today is the last day to get Stillbirth and Christ, a seven day devotional, for free. If the Lord has been whispering in your heart to come closer, then please do not miss this opportunity. My only hope is that others will heal from their pain like I did by surrendering to Christ.

Gotta Have Faith

If you would have told me last year that I would be at peace and not miserable, that I would actually have a child in my arms, I would have scoffed.

Can I be transparent?

I would have been indifferent if you told me that I would come to worship the Lord in the manner that I do. I believed in Him sure, but I did not worship Him.

I did not have faith.

I grew up Christian and I can remember wondering how God could be so great, and yet, my family was always in some type of struggle. I could remember wondering why were we so poor or dysfunctional.

It was not until I began to actively seek Him that I started to understand that some of trials that we face are to build us up. See, we learn more effectively when we go through something, not when it’s easy.

Raising a rainbow baby is a trial in itself. I hold on tighter to him because I know what it is like to not see life in your child. I appreciate more. I no longer put money on a pedestal, I no longer want to work, work, work. It took me losing my child for me to realize what was truly important.

I was angry with God initially, but I began to read His word, and I read books on how to hear from Him. When I finally surrendered to Him, I had peace. Now on Troy’s date, my family does not mourn him. We do not sit around and be moody, we do not plan to be sad or depressed on his day. No, we plan vacations to be together as a family, to uplift one another, and to appreciate one another.

So, no matter what you are going through, Seek God, have faith, and be amazed.

If you liked this post, please comment below or give me a like. I would like to start interacting with my followers and building a community. Also, Stillbirth and Christ is still available for free on Amazon until Tuesday the 17th.

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Stillbirth and Christ

As you all know from my previous posts, that I lost my firstborn, Troy, in 2018. During that time I grew closer to our Lord God as I had no one, other than my husband, to lean on. I lost friends that could not wrap their minds around the fact that I needed time to cope, I had family members not even want me to bring up my son’s name. My ‘support’ system had seemed to go away when I lost my son and it made me appreciate those that were there for me, even more.

During my grief process, I tried working out, I was admittedly obsessed with getting pregnant once more, and more importantly I began to talk to God more. About five months after Troy’s death, my husband and I conceived Silas.

The Lord blessed us and we welcomed Silas this year. I was nervous during my pregnancy with him since we did not know why we lost Troy, but I did not turn away from God. Instead, I prayed every day and I did feel some peace in that because I heard Him say that I would get to raise this child here on Earth.

But during my time of grieving and carrying Silas, I noticed that a lot of other loss moms were turning away from the Lord. They were all so angry and instead of leaning on Him, they abandoned their faith.

Because of all of this, I decided to write a seven day devotional, Stillbirth and Christ. I want others to turn towards the Lord and receive Him like I did. I want others to heal and to know that He is with them in their pain. I do not know why some of us have to go through this, all I know is that I want to celebrate Troy’s memory by helping others.

You can find Stillbirth and Christ on Amazon exclusively. This book will be free for download Monday, September 16th, to Tuesday, September 17th. I am offering this for free for those that may not have the money and need this word.

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Friendship after Loss

Do you have that one friend who’s child is continuously misbehaving and puts a whole damper on the mood?

No?, well I have such a friend.

 
Parenting is hard work. The older I get, the more I respect my mother for her sacrifices and not going off on the deep end after raising three girls. And while I have no living children of my own, my first was born stillborn, I had already discussed with my husband the parenting style that we would incorporate.

It is hard sometimes to not express an opinion on a matter that your friend seems to be struggling with. I could go into detail the numerous struggles that my friend is enduring, but I am going to focus this post on their parenting method and how it is ultimately affecting the friendship.

 
You see, this friend feels some guilt for not providing the best home environment for their child in their early life and as a result does not discipline them very well. I will not get into the whole debate about discipline vs. punishment, but I think we can all agree that there need to be boundaries established at a young age so that these mini adults can function well in society.

 
The problem with this friend’s parenting style is that they merely threaten to take the video games away or they threaten to have them sit in their room for a certain length of time, or they threaten to put them in timeout, etc. They simply just threaten but do not follow through with what was promised, and the child knows that. While this bothers me because I saw how flustered and stressed my friend is, I say nothing because ultimately that is her child and she has to live with the attitude.

 
My issue is when that child’s behavior has a direct negative effect on either I or my husband. Now my friend’s child adores my husband because he is silly and he will actually get down and play make believe or assist him with the newest video game. But this child does not respect boundaries, he constantly hits my husband and pulls on him, and will throw a tantrum while out in public. Simply put, it gets old real fast when you are trying to enjoy your meal, and you have a child constantly pulling and hitting you, and the parents do nothing. They say nothing, in fact, you start to feel like an unpaid babysitter because they only talk amongst themselves and leave you to fend off their child.

 
This all came to a head not too long ago when my husband asked if I would sit next to the child at dinner because he had been fasting all day for this large meal and just wanted to enjoy it. When said friends arrived, I tried to switch seats with my husband, which turned out to be a ‘mood killer’ for the rest of the evening. My friend got very offended, took her child to the restroom and I assume they talked for they came back and would not engage us in conversation. I tried to reach out after the dinner to explain that I was not trying to offend nor was I trying to hurt the child’s feelings.

In fact, after reaching out to me, she decided to completely end the friendship because she thought that by me asking her to step in and explain to her child that he should not hit others, I was hateful and a terrible friend.

So, if you are one those parents that have a wild child, please be understanding if your friend spaces out get-togethers or just stops coming by entirely. I get it parenting is hard, I have seen the toll it takes on others, but do not allow a friendship to dissolve because your friend does not want to be your child’s punching bag.

P.s. I am open to any advice you may have.

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