Trusting In The Lord After A Still-birth

About a year ago, I started this blog because I had lost my firstborn and I had also lost some friendships. I wanted an outlet and my intentions at the time were to also find others that just wanted someone to listen to them. I did not stick to my original goal of updating weekly and so forth. Not because I forgot about my blog, but because I was busy praying to God for another chance.

When I lost Troy, there were days that I did not know how I was going to be able to keep moving forward. I had essentially lost my faith in the Lord. I just did not understand why the Lord would take my child away from me and allow others, who in my grief-stricken mind, did not deserve their gifts from God. Obviously, this was a terrible way of thinking, and somehow, I found myself praying to the Lord more.

I was always lukewarm in my relationship with Christ. I suppose I didn’t put much stock into His words. But one day, I prayed to the Lord to please bless me with a healthy baby and to allow me to raise this one. I fasted from coffee between 6 am and 6 pm and I made a covenant with the Lord that if he allowed me this gift that I would start tithing.  It was the month of July when I heard the Lord whisper to me that I was indeed with child, five months after losing Troy. I was honestly skeptical because again my relationship had always been lukewarm and the trust in Him was not there.

When the pregnancy test turned positive, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was happy, scared, but oh so grateful that He listened to my prayers. I spent the rest of 2018 and beginning of this year praying to the Lord constantly that I would be able to raise this child. I made the conscious decision to take it easy during my pregnancy with Silas. I changed my work hours so that I would always have a day off, I got a doctor’s note to ensure that I would have breaks, and I no longer had the stress from toxic friendships.

Last summer, I did not understand why I had to lose my Troy and why my friendships ended the way that they did. But now looking back, I see that I had to go through those things to become the mother that Silas needed. I needed something severe to occur for me to learn how to put family before work and to actually learn how to relax. I needed to get rid of toxic friendships. If I had turn to the Lord first, things may have turned out differently. In the end I will always be Troy’s mother and I like to think that he helped pick out his little brother, Silas, from heaven.

I am no longer lukewarm in my relationship with the Lord and I understand now what it means to trust in Him.

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I'm 26 years old married to a wonderful man. Together we have a son named Troy that was born stillborn at 26 weeks. I created this blog to reach out to others that have gone through some type of loss or problem in their life and are wanting someone to vent to. No matter what challenges you may face in life, The Lord will never give you anything that you cannot handle. It is up to you to get up each day and want to make a change.

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