If you would have told me last year that I would be at peace and not miserable, that I would actually have a child in my arms, I would have scoffed.
Can I be transparent?
I would have been indifferent if you told me that I would come to worship the Lord in the manner that I do. I believed in Him sure, but I did not worship Him.
I did not have faith.
I grew up Christian and I can remember wondering how God could be so great, and yet, my family was always in some type of struggle. I could remember wondering why were we so poor or dysfunctional.
It was not until I began to actively seek Him that I started to understand that some of trials that we face are to build us up. See, we learn more effectively when we go through something, not when it’s easy.
Raising a rainbow baby is a trial in itself. I hold on tighter to him because I know what it is like to not see life in your child. I appreciate more. I no longer put money on a pedestal, I no longer want to work, work, work. It took me losing my child for me to realize what was truly important.
I was angry with God initially, but I began to read His word, and I read books on how to hear from Him. When I finally surrendered to Him, I had peace. Now on Troy’s date, my family does not mourn him. We do not sit around and be moody, we do not plan to be sad or depressed on his day. No, we plan vacations to be together as a family, to uplift one another, and to appreciate one another.
So, no matter what you are going through, Seek God, have faith, and be amazed.
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