Last Sunday, my family and I had our Thanksgiving with the in-laws as Ben’s parents were going to be out of town on Thanksgiving day. I was a little tired from having to work that morning, but generally, I was pretty excited to spend time with family, and it was also Silas’s first Thanksgiving meal.
Everyone had eaten by the time I got there, but they were all still sitting around the table chatting. Almost immediately, my mother in law shares with me this ornament that she had made with everyone’s name on it, starting with her and my father in law. It was an ornament with all of the children and grandchildren’s names, except for Troy’s name.
My heart sunk.
I had to hold back the urge to just leave. When I handed the ornament back, she stated how she had room for four more grandkids. I know this was said in a joking manner, but at the time, it was just another dagger through the heart. This statement led to my brother in law announcing that they would be having another baby that is due in May.
Troy was supposed to be born in May.
They also mentioned that they waited until the 13-week mark to tell us. Many wait until this time because it is considered the safe zone.
My message today is to be gentle with everyone this season. Holidays can be a mixture of grief and happiness for some. While I am forever grateful to have Silas, raising a child after loss does come with its own unique challenges. Anything family-related where we have to write names, Ben and I always write Troy’s name, because he mattered.
And please do not be the person that is asking others when they are going to be having children or having more children. This could cause issues with the couple or it could bring a spotlight on what they don’t have.