How Having a Child Affects Your Relationships

I always believed that having a child would bring family closer together. Now, I’m not talking about significant others. I’ve heard stories of how the stress causes people to drift from one another. My husband and I struggled in the early months with Silas.

But what I want to focus on, is not significant others, but other familiar relationships. For me, I thought that my mom would be over all the time, wanting to see her grandson. I thought that because we lost our first son, that others would want to hold on as tightly as we do with Silas. Instead, we’ve( my husband and I) have gotten crickets. This isn’t to say that my side of the family hasn’t seen him, but there has been no true effort on their part.

In the beginning my mother would offer to come watch Silas for my husband, as he is the stay home parent. Well, she wouldn’t show up. She has done this several times, so much so that we don’t even think to ask her when we need someone to watch Silas. I’m taking this up with God because I realize that there are other factors at play here. I felt lead to share this with you all because someone else may be going through something similar.

We have these expectations that other members of the family will love your child as much or nearly as much as you do. Sadly, that isn’t the case. You don’t truly know what someone is going through. For my family, kidney disease runs rampant, and I know that has been the cause for some of the no call no show, so to speak.

I believe these changes are just the natural order of things. I don’t talk to my mom everyday like I used to. My focus is on my husband and son. Being the working parent, I want Silas around when I’m not at work. This has been another source of conflict on my side of the family. They only try to get Silas on the one day that I’m guaranteed off. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I do want to reiterate that I know my family loves Silas. I know my husband’s side loves him as well. This is simply something that I have to pray on because there’s something much deeper going on. That may be the case for you. There may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

So, today I urge you to seek God. Cast all of your worries onto Him. It may seem like your family is more distant because of the new additions or things became more strained. I say, babies have a way of shedding a light on our brokenness. Some of us choose to address our faults, while others try to ignore them. I urge you to seek God, and get to the root of it all.

Please don’t forget to check out Parenting After Loss on iTunes and Spotify. I would also like to connect with you guys on Instagram ( potter_india).

The Armor of God Week One

Week one is all about sizing up the enemy and understanding his tactics. One thing that I have noticed this past week, is that there have been more ‘attacks’. This tells me that the enemy does not want me reading this book. The enemy does not want us going into the new year knowing how to use our spiritual gifts.

One assignment that the book has you to do, is to write down who is the most difficult person for you or the most challenging situation. I wrote down my mother because her approval is something that I have always sought. I don’t think she realized how sensitive I was growing up, and because I am the oldest, a lot of responsibility was placed on me from an early age. Not to say that my mother isn’t proud of me, but I grew up with this mindset that what I had to bring to the table was never enough.

The second item that I wrote down was a poor mindset. I didn’t grow up with a well off family nor did I really get to enjoy family vacations. I put money on a pedestal for so many years, and wondered why I could never keep any of it. The problem was that I put money before God. If I’m being transparent, God was always an after thought before I decided to truly commit myself to Him this year.

These two items that I have listed, my mother and a poor mindset, are actually not my problem. They may seem like it, but my issue- my fight, is with the enemy. These next few weeks, I am will be delving deeper into how to activate my armor, and attack these problems at their roots.

Fridays = Family Day

For some, Friday represents the last day of work before the weekend begins. They visualize all of the activities that they will accomplish on Saturday, and the amount of sleep they will get on Sunday. For me, Friday is not significant because of work. Friday is important to me because it is the one day that I have to spend all day with my family. It is the one day that I am guaranteed to be with my son all day.

I work in the animal industry, and animals like people, need to eat every single day. So, I have weekends in which I am required to work because someone has to take care of them. So for me, Fridays are dedicated to spending time with my husband and my son. We have a routine where we go grocery shopping together, we may hit the half- priced bookstore, or we may just watch a movie together.

Today, I want you to reflect on how you spend time with your family. Do you just overload your weekend with errands or sleep in away? Not that there is anything wrong with wanting to decompress after a long week, but I challenge you to choose one day out of the month that is dedicated to spending time with family.

The Art of Forgiveness

The Art of Forgiveness
Forgiving is not easy, if it was everyone would do it. Families and other relationships have been torn because of the inability to forgive. But if you think about it, so much time and energy is wasted by maintain this anger.

You are giving that person control over you. You think about how they have wronged you, then you analyze and analyze the situation until you are left feeling numb. Rehashing the situation with others just feels you with more anger as you nitpick every message that was sent or every word that was spoken.

You do this over and over, and over. And it gets you nowhere.

There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. Do not forget what that person has done, but forgive them and hold no animosity. There is a saying, “ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”.

Do not continuously put yourself in situations that you know will leave you hurt. For example, this person always drags you into the middle of their relationship and you listen and provide advice on how you would salvage the situation. The problem is when said person throws you under the bus and blames their problems on you. It bothers you and yet you keep trying to help. Only to get lashed out at by both parties.

So what do you do here?

You forgive them for not being there when you had a situation. You even forgive them for using your son’s death as a reason to lash out at others.

But you do not forget.

And because you have forgiven, they have no hold on you. You do not lose sleep and you are instead at peace.

But because you have not forgotten their actions, you put yourself first and take that first step towards living a blessed and stress free life.

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