How Having a Child Affects Your Relationships

I always believed that having a child would bring family closer together. Now, I’m not talking about significant others. I’ve heard stories of how the stress causes people to drift from one another. My husband and I struggled in the early months with Silas.

But what I want to focus on, is not significant others, but other familiar relationships. For me, I thought that my mom would be over all the time, wanting to see her grandson. I thought that because we lost our first son, that others would want to hold on as tightly as we do with Silas. Instead, we’ve( my husband and I) have gotten crickets. This isn’t to say that my side of the family hasn’t seen him, but there has been no true effort on their part.

In the beginning my mother would offer to come watch Silas for my husband, as he is the stay home parent. Well, she wouldn’t show up. She has done this several times, so much so that we don’t even think to ask her when we need someone to watch Silas. I’m taking this up with God because I realize that there are other factors at play here. I felt lead to share this with you all because someone else may be going through something similar.

We have these expectations that other members of the family will love your child as much or nearly as much as you do. Sadly, that isn’t the case. You don’t truly know what someone is going through. For my family, kidney disease runs rampant, and I know that has been the cause for some of the no call no show, so to speak.

I believe these changes are just the natural order of things. I don’t talk to my mom everyday like I used to. My focus is on my husband and son. Being the working parent, I want Silas around when I’m not at work. This has been another source of conflict on my side of the family. They only try to get Silas on the one day that I’m guaranteed off. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I do want to reiterate that I know my family loves Silas. I know my husband’s side loves him as well. This is simply something that I have to pray on because there’s something much deeper going on. That may be the case for you. There may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

So, today I urge you to seek God. Cast all of your worries onto Him. It may seem like your family is more distant because of the new additions or things became more strained. I say, babies have a way of shedding a light on our brokenness. Some of us choose to address our faults, while others try to ignore them. I urge you to seek God, and get to the root of it all.

Please don’t forget to check out Parenting After Loss on iTunes and Spotify. I would also like to connect with you guys on Instagram ( potter_india).

Quick Question About Pregnancy And Work Place Safety

Hey guys,

I’m currently working on putting together a PowerPoint for work about how we can make the environment safer for our pregnant employees. I was just curious if you could comment down below or send me an email at thelifeoftroysmama@gmail.com about some of the challenges you faced working while pregnant.

I’ve just been amazed at the number of people that I have talked to, that don’t even have a space where they can pump at work. So please comment or send me an email. The only way we can make improvements is if we speak up.

Popularity Of The Siberian Husky

Being a husky owner for a decade now, I’m honestly not pleased with their sudden popularity.

Why?

Because people are not taking the time to do their research about the breed. All anyone sees is the striking eyes and what they do in movies.

I currently have two at the moment, and they are extremely opinionated. Loki has chewed a small hole in the couch. We have to put the water bowl up at night because Baldwin is old and will have accidents in the night if we don’t.

I wouldn’t change any of it though because I’ve done my research and knew what I was getting into. Huskies shed, they need to burn energy, and can be extremely vocal. I also have nine month old baby that is very mobile at the moment. Silas thinks the dogs are hilarious and wants to be around them constantly.

I see too many stories about people giving you their pets because they had a child or because the dog reacted in a less than appealing manner. If huskies don’t burn their energy, then it comes out in other ways. If you don’t work with your pet, then they could become food aggressive, toy possessive, etc.

Reading books about the breed, talking to people that have huskies, or doing a google search would help with our shelter crisis. I say this because people would be more informed and would hopefully be more likely to keep their dog despite starting a family or because the dog sheds more than they envisioned.

Now, for me, I’ve never entertained the notion of getting rid of my pets because of my child. I believe that education is key to a lot of situations. I have worked with my dogs; however, I would never leave Silas alone with them. At the end of the day, my pets can’t vocalize if they are having a bad day or if something is hurting them.

You really just never know.

I kinda ranted this whole post, but I hope you walk away from this understanding how important it is to educate yourself. Don’t get caught up in the hype of a breed because of a tv show or a movie. Do your due diligence before making any hasty decisions.

Prayer For The Bereaved Parent

My sibling in Christ, I wish I could bring you in closer, and tell you that everything will be okay. I know right now that you are not ready to hear that. How can everything be okay if you just lost your baby? How is everything going to be okay when moving on seems like a betrayal? I know to an extent of how you are feeling, for I too have lost. My firstborn, Troy, was born still at 26 weeks. We had just put together his crib when we learned that he went back home. So, I do know of the pain, but every grief is unique, so I will not say that I know exactly how you feel.

It won’t happen tomorrow or even next month, but eventually the grief will begin to lift little by little. You won’t feel like every moment is suffocating. You won’t feel like giving up. Most importantly you won’t blame yourself.

Today, I ask You, Lord, to take some of the pain away. I ask You to help lift their burdens. I pray that they will turn towards You, Lord, and that they will find comfort in Your embrace. I pray that they will find ways to honor their precious babies, and that they will not dwell in their grief. I truly believe that all of our children would want us to be happy and celebrate them. So, Lord, I ask that You will be with them today as they navigate the day.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Gotta Have Faith

If you would have told me last year that I would be at peace and not miserable, that I would actually have a child in my arms, I would have scoffed.

Can I be transparent?

I would have been indifferent if you told me that I would come to worship the Lord in the manner that I do. I believed in Him sure, but I did not worship Him.

I did not have faith.

I grew up Christian and I can remember wondering how God could be so great, and yet, my family was always in some type of struggle. I could remember wondering why were we so poor or dysfunctional.

It was not until I began to actively seek Him that I started to understand that some of trials that we face are to build us up. See, we learn more effectively when we go through something, not when it’s easy.

Raising a rainbow baby is a trial in itself. I hold on tighter to him because I know what it is like to not see life in your child. I appreciate more. I no longer put money on a pedestal, I no longer want to work, work, work. It took me losing my child for me to realize what was truly important.

I was angry with God initially, but I began to read His word, and I read books on how to hear from Him. When I finally surrendered to Him, I had peace. Now on Troy’s date, my family does not mourn him. We do not sit around and be moody, we do not plan to be sad or depressed on his day. No, we plan vacations to be together as a family, to uplift one another, and to appreciate one another.

So, no matter what you are going through, Seek God, have faith, and be amazed.

If you liked this post, please comment below or give me a like. I would like to start interacting with my followers and building a community. Also, Stillbirth and Christ is still available for free on Amazon until Tuesday the 17th.

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