2 Samuel

Last week I just felt so restless. I couldn’t figure out why, so I went to God about it, and He directed me to read 2 Samuel 12. So cliff notes version, David saw a married woman bathing and inquired about her. She ended up becoming pregnant with his child. David tried to get her spouse to go home and lay with her. Why? To cover up his sin. The man wouldn’t go, so David had him placed in the front line so that he would be killed.

God didn’t like this, so instead of punishing David by striking him down right then and there, He attacked his bloodline. David’s son that was conceived in sin, was taken by the Lord. His other children raped and killed among one another. David had to live with this shame, the loss of a child, and the friction in his family.

Honestly, this bothered me so much that I just sat there, and kept asking why. Why God did You punish this child for his father’s mistakes. And then I realized that we aren’t supposed to be comfortable with sin.

So backtracking just a bit, I think it is important to note that I have been repenting for any inequities in my bloodline. My family actually has a history of child loss. My great grandmother had a stillbirth and lost her twin sister at a very early age.

I want you to take a moment and reflect on the questions they ask you when you go to the doctor. They ask about any problems or concerns that have affected someone in your family, right?

Neither trauma, sin, or death was apart of God’s plan for us. Our actions affect generations to come. Look at how Adam and Eve’s decision has affected us all.

This week, I want you to go before The Lord and repent for any inequities plaguing your bloodline. Don’t let anything be used against you by the devil. Take away the case that he has prepared against your bloodline.

You see, I felt so off last week because God needed me to repent for my ancestors to free up generations to come. I truly believe that God had me type of this message because He needs you to be obedient and free up your bloodline.

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Hey guys!

We close on our house next Friday! One thing that I have learned through this whole ordeal, is to have patience. There is a lot of documents that you have to go through or give to the lender before close.

I have started reading the Armor of God, and I can’t wait to share how I have incorporated the teachings into my everyday life. Look out for a post Saturday or Sunday discussing week one’s application.

I recorded my first podcast episode, and got it approved by Apple yesterday. Here is a link to it https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/parenting-after-loss/id1490238718. I would really love it if you were able to give me some feedback on it. I’ve never done anything like this before, so any feedback would be great.

Lastly, please keep my family in your prayers. We received some troubling news last night about my cousin and his family. The baby that they were expecting in June 2020, sadly passed away yesterday. I’m looking into putting a care package together to help them during this time. Unfortunately, they will have to have surgery. I believe they were too far along for the baby to pass on its own, I’m not completely sure about the process since my loss was a stillbirth.

Holiday Season

Last Sunday, my family and I had our Thanksgiving with the in-laws as Ben’s parents were going to be out of town on Thanksgiving day. I was a little tired from having to work that morning, but generally, I was pretty excited to spend time with family, and it was also Silas’s first Thanksgiving meal.

Everyone had eaten by the time I got there, but they were all still sitting around the table chatting. Almost immediately, my mother in law shares with me this ornament that she had made with everyone’s name on it, starting with her and my father in law. It was an ornament with all of the children and grandchildren’s names, except for Troy’s name.

My heart sunk.

I had to hold back the urge to just leave. When I handed the ornament back, she stated how she had room for four more grandkids. I know this was said in a joking manner, but at the time, it was just another dagger through the heart. This statement led to my brother in law announcing that they would be having another baby that is due in May.

Troy was supposed to be born in May.

They also mentioned that they waited until the 13-week mark to tell us. Many wait until this time because it is considered the safe zone.

Another dagger.

My message today is to be gentle with everyone this season. Holidays can be a mixture of grief and happiness for some. While I am forever grateful to have Silas, raising a child after loss does come with its own unique challenges. Anything family-related where we have to write names, Ben and I always write Troy’s name, because he mattered.

And please do not be the person that is asking others when they are going to be having children or having more children. This could cause issues with the couple or it could bring a spotlight on what they don’t have.