How Having a Child Affects Your Relationships

I always believed that having a child would bring family closer together. Now, I’m not talking about significant others. I’ve heard stories of how the stress causes people to drift from one another. My husband and I struggled in the early months with Silas.

But what I want to focus on, is not significant others, but other familiar relationships. For me, I thought that my mom would be over all the time, wanting to see her grandson. I thought that because we lost our first son, that others would want to hold on as tightly as we do with Silas. Instead, we’ve( my husband and I) have gotten crickets. This isn’t to say that my side of the family hasn’t seen him, but there has been no true effort on their part.

In the beginning my mother would offer to come watch Silas for my husband, as he is the stay home parent. Well, she wouldn’t show up. She has done this several times, so much so that we don’t even think to ask her when we need someone to watch Silas. I’m taking this up with God because I realize that there are other factors at play here. I felt lead to share this with you all because someone else may be going through something similar.

We have these expectations that other members of the family will love your child as much or nearly as much as you do. Sadly, that isn’t the case. You don’t truly know what someone is going through. For my family, kidney disease runs rampant, and I know that has been the cause for some of the no call no show, so to speak.

I believe these changes are just the natural order of things. I don’t talk to my mom everyday like I used to. My focus is on my husband and son. Being the working parent, I want Silas around when I’m not at work. This has been another source of conflict on my side of the family. They only try to get Silas on the one day that I’m guaranteed off. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I do want to reiterate that I know my family loves Silas. I know my husband’s side loves him as well. This is simply something that I have to pray on because there’s something much deeper going on. That may be the case for you. There may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

So, today I urge you to seek God. Cast all of your worries onto Him. It may seem like your family is more distant because of the new additions or things became more strained. I say, babies have a way of shedding a light on our brokenness. Some of us choose to address our faults, while others try to ignore them. I urge you to seek God, and get to the root of it all.

Please don’t forget to check out Parenting After Loss on iTunes and Spotify. I would also like to connect with you guys on Instagram ( potter_india).

Dreaded Sleep Regression

I think I saw somewhere that babies have sleep regressions at nine months. In the earlier stages, I remember crying because Silas would not wake up. I would have to put a cold rag on him, and still he would not wake.

Literally nothing would wake him, and as a mom parenting after loss, I was extra paranoid about him not eating every three hours.

Silas has since woken up since then, but for the most part he has been very good about taking his naps until now. Now, he is down to taking one nap, and just wants to party the rest of the day.

I know this phase won’t last long, but I like to reflect on how we pray for some changes, we get what we prayed for, and then pray for more changes. Silas is making up for all those times he slept the days away. He’s too focused on playing with his toys or knocking his books down.

Maybe it’s the dreaded sleep regression that I hear whispers about. I’m not entirely sure as I don’t spend too much time looking into that kind of information. I’ve just been going with the flow so to speak.

What I do know, is that I’m so grateful for the bouncer we were gifted for Christmas, and that we now have a back yard to let the dogs run around in.

Have you ever prayed for a situation to change and then had to pray through that change?

Trusting In God’s Timing

For the past month or so, Ben and I have been looking for a home. We have looked at 6 or 7 homes thus far. We made a pretty decent offer on a home that had everything we were looking for, only to be beat out by a higher bidder.

We found another home that was even better, and still had everything we were looking for. The only difference with the second home was that we would need to install a privacy fence. We were told by a realtor that someone offered cash, and so they went with that offer instead.

My motivation at this point was pretty low. I was seeing on our active listing page that there were no homes available in our area. My body was tired, and I started looking at all the weekends I signed up for with dread. I started leaving early from work and essentially giving up all the hours I worked on Sunday. Wednesday night I scheduled for a 2 am call in. Normally, I would try to get out of this and ask for a more reasonable call in time, but it made more sense for the other worker to do the evening tasks.

Because I was just so unmotivated from losing out on those homes, I went to my boss and told her that I would be staying home Thursday. Now, I don’t recommend that anyone just go up to their supervisor and tell them they won’t be in to work, that may not go over well. But I had nothing scheduled for Thursday, so I would have been sitting there extremely tired from being there at 2 am, and I have over 90 hours of PTO that I have to use up before the new year.

Backing up just a bit, on Wednesday, my mother in law sent ben and I a link to a home that was not in the school district we wanted. Ben and I kinda ignored the message at first, but I kept being drawn the house. On Thursday, I informed Ben that the house was actually in my cousin’s neighborhood. Ben suggested that we should go take a look as something to do.

The home is about 5 minutes walking distance from my cousin. It has a decent sized backyard with a privacy fence. This home actually has an upstairs. It has everything we were looking for except the school district. So we put an offer in, and within 30 minutes our offer was accepted!

I’m constantly in awe of the way God sets things up. I truly believe that He wanted me to rest. I actually felt pretty sick yesterday, so I think I just needed to slow down. But we went to look at this home with no expectations, and we didn’t have to go through any hoops like we did with the last two houses.

In this digital age, we get so caught up with instant gratification that we forget that sometimes we have to wait. We have to trust in our Lord God. I think one of the reasons why He makes us wait, is to see how much we trust Him.

The Joys Of Milestones

When you’re raising a child, you get a wealth of information, some unsolicited and some welcomed. I’ve had some people tell me that their babies didn’t get any teeth until they were 18 months. Majority said that their babies started getting teeth right at the 1 year mark. A couple of people said that their child got a tooth around 6 months and then the rest came after a year of age.

When Silas got his first two teeth in at 5 months, I thought nothing of it. My focus was mainly on how to help him not be in pain, and how to get him to stop biting me. For a couple of weeks, everything calmed down, and I wasn’t getting bit anymore. At 6 months, closer to 7, he started biting me again. This time around he wasn’t fussy because of the pain, so that is a plus. But telling him no, isn’t going over so well.

At nearly 7 months, Silas is working on not one, not two, but four more teeth. I’m going to power through it, but I understand why so many mothers make the choice to wean at this stage.

But more importantly, I think it’s important to remember that every baby progresses at their own pace. Every other male in my husband’s family didn’t get teeth until they were past the year mark. Sometimes we get so caught up in these milestones that our babies are supposed to hit, that we are supposed to hit, and we start putting time limits on when things should be occurring.

How many of you have thought about how you should be married right now, or how you should have it all figured out by now? I know I have been guilty of thinking that I should be further along in my career.

Positive Employers Should Be The Norm

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, when I came across an article about how this man’s mortgage was preventing him from retiring. In the headline, the article stated how the elderly man’s employer actually paid off the man’s mortgage, so that he could enjoy retirement. The article had a lot of likes and reshares.

I’ll admit, I didn’t click on the article and read it through. My first thought was how wonderful that employer was for lifting his employees financial burden. My second thought was, how awful it is that stories like these aren’t the norm.

Now, I’m not saying that employers are responsible for their employees’ financial choices. What makes me sad is that we have gotten into this cycle of being replaceable. So many employers aren’t keeping employees to retirement anymore because it’s much cheaper to higher someone younger, than to reward loyalty.

Employee retention rates would probably be higher if employers made them feel valued. After a certain point, money doesn’t keep employees happy and engaged. Security, feeling appreciated, and work life balance is what attracts company loyalty.

I would like to imagine that sometime down the line, stories about wonderful employers will be the norm.