How Having a Child Affects Your Relationships

I always believed that having a child would bring family closer together. Now, I’m not talking about significant others. I’ve heard stories of how the stress causes people to drift from one another. My husband and I struggled in the early months with Silas.

But what I want to focus on, is not significant others, but other familiar relationships. For me, I thought that my mom would be over all the time, wanting to see her grandson. I thought that because we lost our first son, that others would want to hold on as tightly as we do with Silas. Instead, we’ve( my husband and I) have gotten crickets. This isn’t to say that my side of the family hasn’t seen him, but there has been no true effort on their part.

In the beginning my mother would offer to come watch Silas for my husband, as he is the stay home parent. Well, she wouldn’t show up. She has done this several times, so much so that we don’t even think to ask her when we need someone to watch Silas. I’m taking this up with God because I realize that there are other factors at play here. I felt lead to share this with you all because someone else may be going through something similar.

We have these expectations that other members of the family will love your child as much or nearly as much as you do. Sadly, that isn’t the case. You don’t truly know what someone is going through. For my family, kidney disease runs rampant, and I know that has been the cause for some of the no call no show, so to speak.

I believe these changes are just the natural order of things. I don’t talk to my mom everyday like I used to. My focus is on my husband and son. Being the working parent, I want Silas around when I’m not at work. This has been another source of conflict on my side of the family. They only try to get Silas on the one day that I’m guaranteed off. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I do want to reiterate that I know my family loves Silas. I know my husband’s side loves him as well. This is simply something that I have to pray on because there’s something much deeper going on. That may be the case for you. There may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

So, today I urge you to seek God. Cast all of your worries onto Him. It may seem like your family is more distant because of the new additions or things became more strained. I say, babies have a way of shedding a light on our brokenness. Some of us choose to address our faults, while others try to ignore them. I urge you to seek God, and get to the root of it all.

Please don’t forget to check out Parenting After Loss on iTunes and Spotify. I would also like to connect with you guys on Instagram ( potter_india).

Being The Only Black Woman Can Be Isolating

Now hear me out about this, it can be extremely isolating being the only black woman in my group. It can be extremely isolating being the only mother in my group. I lost a lot of friends in the lay-off three years ago, and now I’m in a stage where there’s a big gap of ages.

Everyone seems to be fresh out of college, and it’s honestly hard to relate. I’ve been out of undergrad for almost four years now, and it’s amazing how much can change in so little time.

Others assume that I don’t like them because I don’t join in on their sex talks or about getting drunk. I think there is a time and place for everything, and work is not the place for such talks. I feel as though I’m in the minority on this.

I saw an article that explained how you can’t be black and an introvert in the work place. Black women have a stereotype of being angry, and so when I keep to myself, working on projects, I’m seen as not social by my group. I’m seen as not being helpful because I choose be productivity over standing around in a room, chatting, while others do a task that only takes thirty minutes.

I’ve tried to shift the conversations away from unsavory topics onto more work related or at the very least ‘PG’ subjects.

I titled this post, Being The Only Black Woman Can Be Isolating, because I have noticed over the years how much harder I have to work than my coworkers. I have noticed that if I’m not in everyone’s face, telling jokes, than I’m seen as having an attitude.

I think the only way these stereotypes will change is by talking about our challenges. I could keep all this bottled up, but that would only serve to hurt me or come out in a negative way.

Dreaded Sleep Regression

I think I saw somewhere that babies have sleep regressions at nine months. In the earlier stages, I remember crying because Silas would not wake up. I would have to put a cold rag on him, and still he would not wake.

Literally nothing would wake him, and as a mom parenting after loss, I was extra paranoid about him not eating every three hours.

Silas has since woken up since then, but for the most part he has been very good about taking his naps until now. Now, he is down to taking one nap, and just wants to party the rest of the day.

I know this phase won’t last long, but I like to reflect on how we pray for some changes, we get what we prayed for, and then pray for more changes. Silas is making up for all those times he slept the days away. He’s too focused on playing with his toys or knocking his books down.

Maybe it’s the dreaded sleep regression that I hear whispers about. I’m not entirely sure as I don’t spend too much time looking into that kind of information. I’ve just been going with the flow so to speak.

What I do know, is that I’m so grateful for the bouncer we were gifted for Christmas, and that we now have a back yard to let the dogs run around in.

Have you ever prayed for a situation to change and then had to pray through that change?

Quick Question About Pregnancy And Work Place Safety

Hey guys,

I’m currently working on putting together a PowerPoint for work about how we can make the environment safer for our pregnant employees. I was just curious if you could comment down below or send me an email at thelifeoftroysmama@gmail.com about some of the challenges you faced working while pregnant.

I’ve just been amazed at the number of people that I have talked to, that don’t even have a space where they can pump at work. So please comment or send me an email. The only way we can make improvements is if we speak up.

The Joys Of Milestones

When you’re raising a child, you get a wealth of information, some unsolicited and some welcomed. I’ve had some people tell me that their babies didn’t get any teeth until they were 18 months. Majority said that their babies started getting teeth right at the 1 year mark. A couple of people said that their child got a tooth around 6 months and then the rest came after a year of age.

When Silas got his first two teeth in at 5 months, I thought nothing of it. My focus was mainly on how to help him not be in pain, and how to get him to stop biting me. For a couple of weeks, everything calmed down, and I wasn’t getting bit anymore. At 6 months, closer to 7, he started biting me again. This time around he wasn’t fussy because of the pain, so that is a plus. But telling him no, isn’t going over so well.

At nearly 7 months, Silas is working on not one, not two, but four more teeth. I’m going to power through it, but I understand why so many mothers make the choice to wean at this stage.

But more importantly, I think it’s important to remember that every baby progresses at their own pace. Every other male in my husband’s family didn’t get teeth until they were past the year mark. Sometimes we get so caught up in these milestones that our babies are supposed to hit, that we are supposed to hit, and we start putting time limits on when things should be occurring.

How many of you have thought about how you should be married right now, or how you should have it all figured out by now? I know I have been guilty of thinking that I should be further along in my career.